[	mood	|	drunk	]
[	music	|	Coldplay	]

Ok, so i've spent the last two days just being stupid, going to school for lab, and all that other stuff when needed.

But really, I've just been hanging out and getting fucked up, can you blame me, I've got only myself.

Here are some pictures of the apartment, not as nice as last time, and some other shots.

( Pictures for all )

[	mood	|	good	]
[	music	|	The Beatles	]

I am pretty sure I am out of the funk I was in, can't be too sure, but the last two days have been pretty good and I haven't felt like a whiney little bitch.

So tomorrow is my last day of work, it kind of sucks, I've finally gotten used to it, but I need a job with more flexible hours for my iternship, so I got a job at Hannaford(Grocery Store). I make $3.20 less than at the factory, but if I end up going back to ACC because of the housing situation in Buffalo I can just transfer and work up there, which is convenient because it is really close to where i'd live, and I wouldn't have to waste time looking for a job.

At work today I had to use a press that sometimes produces exploding parts, because of the gases used to make them.  I got a kick out of having to wear a full face shielf, I don't know why. Lucky I didn't have any explosions, but my fucking lungs and chest are killing me from inhailing that shit for 8 hours.

Im glad I am not posting so depressing shitty update tonight, also I will try and get around to reading and commenting on yours.

I wish I was at work, I'd atleast be doing something.

Was going to play some tennis today, but im sitting on my ass all day because my buddy would rather hang out with his girlfriend, dick.

That's all.

I've got nothing.  All I can do is sit here alone and get drunk by myself. Sure it's nice to have 2 days off from work, but what's the point if I have only myself to share it with?  I am thinking im going to play some tennis tomorrow because a friend of mine has the day off, well I'd atleast like too, I'll see how that goes.  Im pissed off right now. Pissed at myself for being a piece of shit.  For fucking myself over so many times, for being a stupid asshole.  I wish someone would kick my ass and straighten me out.  I don't deserve the good things that my parents have done for me.  I don't deserve shit.  I am a soul less coward. I don't deserve to have friends. I deserve to be alone.  What's that saying? You reep what you sow, or something?  Well I guess it's true.  That's me.  I can't be happy for others, everything has to be about me, that's why I am shit.

[	mood	|	content	]
[	music	|	Incubus - Make a Move	]

WTF is wrong with me, this job I supposedly hate, has become my life. So far 48 hours and 6 days this week, and probably another 8 tomorrow.

This is the same job I almost quit the first day, it's funny how things work out.  It's not that I like it, it's just so hard to turn down $15.30 an hour(overtime), when I know I may not be there very long.  That's pretty much it, except I stole some stickers I was putting on legos all day, took some pics, enjoy. :)

If you can't make out the arrow...

Oh and since I am a complete dumbass, would someone explain to me how to make a cut(link to longer entry, you know what I mean)I can't figure it out for shit.

[	mood	|	confused	]
[	music	|	Hot Hot Heat	]

I think I am going to keep this job.

Ok, the work sucks, the hours suck (3:30 -11:30) losing a hour of free time driving there sucks, and having to spend $30+ a week on gas sucks, but I think I have gotten used to it already.  I know if I work retail it will be closer to home, the work will be more fun, I will have better hours, and dare I say it, I may actually meet interesting people(opposed to the backwoods, trailer park people I work with now) and dare I say, meet a girl?  But you know what is keeping me from doing this, two things.

1. Pride, I've never quit anything in my entire life, I don't want to start now.

2. Greed, I'd make alot more money if I continued to work where I am currently at.

So right now I have to make a choice between being comfortable, and possibly having a social life, or being a unsocial rich bastard.  What also makes this more difficult is I still have to do an internship at either a radio station or television station for 60 hours sometime this summer.  Should I be looking for the internship now and work around it?  I need the internship for college, and for career experience opposed to the summer work I am doing now. I've said opposed twice already(make it three times) in the entry already, I don't think I've used that word in years, now I am ODing on it.  Anyways I've got alot of shit to think about and alot of phone calls to make in the next few days.

I hate to always sound like a whiney little bitch on all my updates, but I always wait until the last moment to do all the important shit in my life, I gotta stop doing that.

[	mood	|	good	]
[	music	|	Gorillaz	]

I could come on here and bitch and moan about my patheticness today, but I' am not going to, because I had a pretty fuckin' good day.

So today they gave me "the bitch job" the job everyone hates, guess what? I loved it!  I kept me busy all fucking night, thus I didn't have time to think about how shitty the job was.  I got to make Legos and stadiums seats, so in the near future you might be sitting on something I made.

Want to hear something fucked? I've always wanted a older woman to come on to me, well today it happened.  Unfortunately she was a disgusting trailer park nasty older woman, she fucking told me to my face that I was perfect.  Talk about an easy way to creep someone out(except if you are a cute Austrialian girl, you know who you are ;) ).  Later she bent down infront of me to pick something up and looked back to see if I was scoping out her ass, totally fucking sick.  So besides that, work was pretty good.  Though I am still trying to find a job at retail, 1 good night out of 3 isn't exactly a promising outlook.

And the best part of my day happened before work, the NHL lockout is over, after a year without hockey I will finally get to watch my favorite sport again, yeah!

[	mood	|	blank	]
[	music	|	Letter Kills	]

I intend on reading and commenting on entries tommorow morning.

Today was the first day of work, it sucked.  I'm not going to quit, but I am defenately going to look elsewhere.  This place is all repetitive factory work, it sucks.  Sure it pays $10.20 an hour, but the extra gas money I have to put in my Jeep to drive there negates the extra money I' am making.  It's too slow paced, hopefully tomorrow they put me on a faster machine so it won't be so boring.  Atleast I got to listen to the radio, if I couldn't do that, I may have quit within the first half hour.  Um thats pretty much all I have to say.  Given my lack of a relationship and now social life due to this job I won't have anything to comment about and I probably won't be updating very often, but I am still on AIM later at night, and in the morning, so hit me up.

Not joking.  Earlier today I was in one of those depressed moods, just being a little bitch.  Now, I don' t give a fuck.  Ok, I am not actually bipolar, I am not doing ridiculous things during "mania", but if it is possible to have a less severe type of bipolar I think I have it.  Like earlier I was getting down on myself for a few reasons, because my best friend is going back to Iraq, I am starting a new job tomorrow that I will probably hate, oh and the thing I am always fucking bitching about on here. 

Right now, it's just like fuck it.  Fuck it, who cares, deal with it.  I am going to be working all the time so it' s not like I can hang out with him or anyone else anymore, and who gives a fuck if work sucks, work isn't supposed to be fun. When I am making $10.20 an hour that should be enough of an incentive to go along with it, besides I haven't even started, so it may not be that bad.  Oh and that other thing, I have a feeling something will work out sometime in the not so distant future.  Meh, probably not, that's probably just false optimism on my part, I am not the lucky type.

Ok, so I watched Natural Born Killers today(a movie[hey maybe that's were my so called "mania" stemmed from]) anyways it' s the most fucked up, insane, and brutal movie I have ever seen.  If you thought Fight Club was fucked up, this movie makes Fight Club look like Sesame Street.  NBK, is one of the best movies I' ve ever seen, here is the premise I grabbed from IMDB.com "The misadventures of Mickey and Mallory: outcasts, lovers, and serial killers. They travel across Route 666 conducting psychadelic mass-slaughters not for money, not for revenge, just for kicks. Glorified by the media, the pair become legendary folk heroes; their story told by the single person they leave alive at the scene of each of their slaughters."

If you have never seen it, you need to check it out.

Oh, and one thing, how can I change my little picture so that when I change it, so it does not make it a default change.  You know, so I could have a picture for a entry, and one for comments on others entry's and stuff like that, I know some of you do it, I want to know how.

[	mood	|	okay	]
[	music	|	My Chemical Romance	]

Just watched Celebrity Justice, wow Lynda Carter is a babe! In her prime she was one of the hottest women ever, hell she is still freakin' smokin'.  Talk about a GILF.

Ok, so I found a website that I can upload some of the videos I made the past semester on to.  This is the first one I did, a 80's style video montage about Badminton, staring a couple of my buddies.  Just a warning it's a big file and a quicktime file, we had to use shitty Apples for editing.  Aside from our final project, our 1/2 hour long video on School Security Guards(Reno 911 style) this is the funniest one I did, enjoy.

http://s40.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=01JRMTLXM0TED0PUPWOPHGW052  

Ok, so six flags is off for today, so let me tell you about yesterday.

Went and saw Fantastic 4, it was ok, defenately not worth the $9.75 I paid to see it.  If you can see it for under 7 bucks do it, otherwise wait for it to come out on DVD.  For the first time in probably a month I didn't buy any clothes, hell I didn't even go into any clothing stores.

Ok so I did mention going to a party in my last entry right? Well I did.  I am glad I did because now I will never drink again. Im not much of a drinker, I haven't gotten drunk in a while and the last time I did I was heavier than I am now.  Ok, back to the story.  I have a habbit of drinking like a fiend and competivitly while at social gathers, I can't just have a few and relax like if I was on my own.  I drink waaaaay too much waaay to quick.  So I had fun for the first few hours, I was just really drunk and having a good time.  Well me being a lightweight who did eat much all day, got kicked right in the balls around 2:30.  I must have puked a good 20 times, I kid you not.  I pretty much fucking poisoned myself(this is not the first time this has happened).  Why? Because I purposely lost several games of beer pong to get drunker quicker, stupid fucking idea.  I still feel sick as fuck.  Im never drinking again.  Did I mention I got wicked beer muscles?  I kept telling people to hit me, and I was hitting myself, not sure why, but I couldn't feel it.  Alcohol is the devil.  So to anyone who might be reading this, do me a huge favor, if I mention anything about drinking or going to a party please remind me of how shitty I feel today. I don't care how you do it, because I know my friends will just let me drink, here is my contact info. (Cell phone # 518-892-4674, AIM: TheEdge32EJ, E-mail: CSTH63@juno.com)  Just don't let me poison myself again, please!

It looks like it will be my Fall destination, which is cool.  Sent out my application and transcript today, given that there are several spots open in the Journalism department and that my GPA is well above the minimal requirement, being accepted shouldn't be an issue.

Um, I am going to be busy these next two days, I may not get around to posting a entry, tommorow I have my job orientation, going to go see Fantastic 4, than a Arena Football game, and possibly a party after.  I say possibly because I have another long day Saturday and I have to get up early, heading to Six Flags in Jersey, so I may not go,it depends on how I feel after the Football game.

Ok, since I don't have anything else to say, here is a little questionnaire you are free to fill out, my answers are italicized.  These are just random questions I just thought of.

1. Do you have any odd or strange habits? I brush my teeth alot, like 4 or 5 times a day.  When I wake up, after meals, before I goto bed, or before I go out.  I like my mouth/teeth clean.

2. Are you embarrassed by any T.V. shows you watch? I am a sucker for reality T.V. shows, talk shows, and celebrity gossip shows. 

3. What is your dream job? Of course I' ve always wanted to be a professional athlete, realistically not everyone can do that.  Something a little more realistic is being a beat writer for a NHL team.

4. Is there anything about yourself you would like to change? I' ve changed enough the last two years. I guess I would change that it took that long to straighten myself out.

5. If you could have one wish what would it be? To never have any financial worries.

[

mood

|

optimistic

]

So today we finally got around to going to Six Flags New Englad.  Awesome.  The Superman is only the greatest rollercoaster of all time.  I almost had a heart attack from this thing. http://www.sixflags.com/parks/newengland/Rides/scream.html  The ride itself isn't so bad, but the anticipation of being shot up and dropped down almost made me sick.

It was a shitty rainy day so nobody was there and we got to ride all the rides we wanted with few lines, luckly we did it quickly because it started downpouring and thundering about 2 1/2 hours after we got there.  So we left a little early, by the time we got to the car it looked like we had jumped into a pool with all our clothes on.  Since we expected to be there a while we stopped by a local mall.  This shoudn't came as a suprise, I bought more freakin' clothes. What the fuck is wrong with me, I have to have atleast 20 t-shirts now.

Oh, and the best news of the day is that I got a job!  I start Monday.  2nd shift 3:30-11:30, factory work.  I am quality control for a plastic molding company.  The products they make are Legos and Football Stadium seats, sounds boring, it probably will be, bur for $10.20 an hour I can keep myself busy by counting the money I'll be making.

I haven't said this before, but I'm glad I found this site.  Having other people besides my friends to talk to and knowing that I am not alone out there(issues) is keeping me sane.

No Six Flags shitty weather.

Found out I got a D in Bio, which means I passed but it isn't transferable, which means I won't be graduating this summer.  I did e-mail my professor to see if it is correct and beg for a C- so it will transfer, it's highly unlikely that she will change it, or it is wrong.  On top of the my dreams of going to Point Park(in Pittsburgh) in August are pretty much over.  I need to come up with a $50k loan, also something that won't happen.  Going there was pretty much a false idea.  Now I have no fucking idea what I am going to do.  I don't know if I am going to just goto a state school, or go back to ACC retake bio and just work all next Spring and Summer and save towards Pittsburgh.  Why the fuck does college have to be so fucking expensive? Why does this shit have to happen to me.  The worst part is, I bet I got a 69 or 68 and I was 1 or 2 points away from a C-.  I really don't want to stay around this fucking town and take a year off.  I really want to meet new people, especially a girl.  This fucks everything up.  Right now I could fucking die and I wouldn't care.  Honestly, when I drove home I wanted to just drive into a tree, but that's the easy way out.  So all I can hope for is that my professor takes pity on me and changes the grade so I can atleast graduate from ACC, if not, that I don't know what the fuck I am going to do with myself.

I can always join the Army like my buddy right?  Fucking christ I wish I could just some how run into some money so I wouldn't have to worry about paying for college, or even going, if only I could some how convince someone to give me a million dollars.  I could fucking retire off that, i'd be fine with eating ramen and living in a 1 room apartment the rest of my life if I was finacially stable.

I know state schools aren't bad, but it's so late right now that I don't know if I could even get into one. But since ACC is a state school it may not be an issue, I don't know. Fuck.

If I had only applied myself in High School and gotten a scholarship I wouldn't have to worry and deal with this shit.  Fuck me.